The Joys Of Massage Parlors

By BobbyRica | October 2, 2008

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I have a good friend who’s a massage parlor addict. He enjoys going to these places downtown in Costa Rica and Mexico. He especially frequents them when most nights have become chilly, tedious and stressful. Most of the time, I accompany him.

He admits that those little neon signs are a sight for sore eyes. The lights promise cheap little thrills to get him through the night. Because, after all, he was a sucker for anything cheap. And admittedly I realized, massage parlors appeal to a certain sleaziness in him.

I suppose he likes the attention the lady attendants give him. After being divorced, any new female contact is welcoming. They seem to have this amazing ability to unclench knotted parts. The ability that have become valuable to him. And even to me.

But as one would expect from patronizing something of value through the years, one develops a certain refinement of taste. After having accompanied him so many times, I have discovered those small things that helped me see how good or bad a certain place will be.

1. Let your fingers do the walking.
Before you start your adventure, it’s wise that you shop around for the best massage parlor. Though asking around with your friends and colleagues is a logical step, I find the best (and discreet) way to start looking is through the Yellow Pages. The older the establishment is, it is most likely that you’d receive better service. Buy and Sell is also a great reference!

2. Know your Thai from your Swedish.
Surf in the Internet and get acquainted with the different types of massages available. By being well-informed, you know the risks involved of a certain technique. Though it would be rarety in most places, see if you find attendants who are licensed by the Department of Health or with a professional maseusse license. If she has one, then rest assure, the experience will be a pleasant one. In a rinky dink place, however, be forewarned that the massages available aren’t exactly the learned kind.

3. Engage the buddy system.
I think you know the benefits for this one. But then again, pick a companion wisely. Make sure he truly knows what he’s getting into. An experienced massage parlor enthusiast would be ideal. And any more than one companion might get a little rowdy.

4. Cleanliness is next to godliness.
When you enter the premises, let your senses speak about the establishment. Clean and spotless environment are an added plus. Though you shouldn’t be so anal as to find fault in any massage parlor that you visit, the environment should be pleasant enough for you. And I mean that subjectively. My rule of thumb is that, if you don’t smell a cigarette smoke lingering for less than a minute or less, then the establishment is worth your while. And don’t discount your “gut feeling”. If something isn’t right, chances are, something definitely is. Oh and another thing, if the towels are clean and smell freshly laundered, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everything else is.

5. Ask for the right girl for you.
Most “massage dispatchers” will appreciate it if you tell them in advance what type of girl you’d like to receive a massage from. If you have certain preferences, better be vocal about it from the start. No use complaining if you didn’t get the service you desired.

6. Make the most out of the facilities.
You shouldn’t limit yourself to the massage table and the sauna. If there are other facilities around, make full use of them. Getting the full benefit of what is offered is much more practical and fulfilling than getting some nookie.

7. Act like an election official.
A good indication of a massage parlor is its security. Lockers are a must. If they don’t have it, request for place with lock and key where you can place valuables. Also, know the name of the person who gave them to you. But then again, it’s more advisable that you enter the premises with a little money and yourclothes on. Cell phones and other forms of jewelry only attract attention to those with bad intentions.

8. Go with the flow.
Though I advise you to keep a watchful eye over your belongings, you should lighten up bit and play the gentle, submissive partner. Do not be aggressive. Let the attendant handle the proceedings. If she offers something “extra”, then it’s up to you if you are willing to pay for the added service or not. But don’t ever, ever impose yourself on her. It might lead to circumstances that you wouldn’t want to be in. On the other hand, don’t be too hasty to accept her offer. Stow your libido for a moment and study her actions. It’s advisable that you keep a conversation going from start to finish. Breaking the ice and then maintaining a friendly atmosphere works to your advantage (and believe me, it works). That way you can ascertain if she’s the type for you. If sex seems inappropriate, it probably is.

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