The Lady By The Beach

By BobbyRica | April 27, 2011


It was a sunny muggy day while I was walking in the beach of Jaco. I was hugging a huge paper bag of my favorite fruit in season — a sapote — when someone caught my eye. I was passing by a row of small quaint beach houses called cabinas that were rented during the summer. The small beach house had porches complete with reclining chairs where people can lie back and get a natural tan. In one of these houses, I saw a small blond woman. She was sun bathing in the porch and was oblivious to the heat and to the guy who might just be her peeping tom. Seeing blond women in the beach is a common sight, believe me, but there was something I couldn’t lay a finger on this woman.

She was a thin slip of a girl, and had long blond hair that looked too much of a dye job. I couldn’t see her face clearly because she wore those huge tinted aviator sunglasses that covered half of her face. But I noticed her long Jewish nose that held her sunglasses into place. What also struck me was her bikini, or what looked like a bikini. Her top is covered by cellophane wrap that was wound up around her upper torso. Underneath were what appeared to be pineapple slices that’s been slowly been rendering its juices. Some drops of which had fell down the porch floor where ants had began to assemble. I looked back up and noticed that both of her nipples had been concealed via two Band-Aids crossed against each other. There was also nothing on her crotch but a ginger cat who was fast asleep.

Being my typical self, I approached her, “Hello welcome to Costa Rica!” But there was a part of me who scolded me for coming closer. I felt like I was talking to the town lunatic. The sudden sea breeze however braced me and strengthened my resolve.

jaco beach

The woman didn’t answer me at first. But she suddenly leaned forward, startled — and looked at my direction. I notice more pineapple juices trickling down from her top down to the chaise lounge. The ants in the floor must be rejoicing.

“Who are you?” her voice was low and slightly abrasive.

“I’m Bobby,” I offered my hand, “welcome to Costa Rica.”

The woman grabbed this huge straw hat the size of one whole New York style pizza from her side table, and placed it on her head. She hesitated to take my hand. Relenting, she finally extended hers and gave a firm shake. Her palm was clammy but slippery. She must have applied suntan oil all over herself because her hand was slick and oily.
I noticed her French manicures had those fancy sparkles. I bet they were real diamonds.

“Thank you. This is my first time here.” Her voice much more pleasant this time.

“Hope to see more of you here then. If you happen to need anything, don’t hesitate to come on over my beach house at the end of the path.” I pointed to the large gated house a few yards from where we were. “Incidentally, I and a few friends are having a barbecue later tonight. If you have time, why don’t you join us? Nothing fancy though. Just friends hanging out.” A part of me was kicking myself for blurting out the invitation.

“Yeah, I will remember that. Thank you…Bobby” She smiled sweetly, genuinely pleased with my warmth.


“I’ll be seeing you then.” I saluted her and made my way towards my house.

That evening, I was half-expecting her to arrive but she never came. Throngs of paparazzi were seen in the beach taking photos. They were creating such a ruckus that people stopped going to the beach, and the local policia tried dispersing them.

As shrugged her off for the day, there was something about her that give me pause. As I was about to retire for the evening, I realized that the kitten who was sleeping on her crotch wasn’t sleeping. It was a stuffed.

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